one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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