Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize