Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
