I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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