I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
