Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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