It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
