thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
is that a dick in a sweater?
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