He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
