Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
