Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
