You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
