my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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