If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
