I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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