I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
