I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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