I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can tuck mytits in my pants
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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