Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
