I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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