Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
tell me about the eggs
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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