dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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