i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
