I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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