Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
