I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My penis needs a shock collar
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
