I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
