his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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