when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
whose parrot is this?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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