Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
