The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
