i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
