wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
