So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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