Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
