it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
