Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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