you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
