Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
