my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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