i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
