So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
