We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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