here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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