Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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