he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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