she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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