soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
