1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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