he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
