Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
