i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
