I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
