Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
