if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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