I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have fence marks all over my body
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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