All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
