Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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