apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
