just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
