you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
