Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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