I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
