batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
