I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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