oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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