We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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