I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
