im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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