I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
me + whiskey = a bad person
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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