do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
