I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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