yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
