we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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