You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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