my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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