I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
