I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
