I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
