You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
