sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
