I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
