How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Life is so much better after having sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
