She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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