I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
