Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
