i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
