I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
