you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
