why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
